I really am. I could hug everybody around me cos I'm just enjoying my life like i never had before. I'm having fun in my own way without hurting myself. Maybe I'm hurting ppl around me but that's just wad I am and wad my character is like. They accept me and this kinda rs we have cos they love me too much as if they could ever let me go and i like it. I like them. Everybody in her own way. I would not say that I'm in love with them but i love things about them. I would say that
I'm in love with the world.
there's just someone missing. but wadever. my life will go on without the most special person i've ever met. I just have to go my way alone. without u. and even if it hurts i will let off of u, love. cos i love u too much to keep u. just fly away...
hey out there,
my family already knows about my "illness" and only a few of my friends know, too. only the closest, cos i know not everybody would understand and i don't force anybody to understand it.
i've just found a video on youtube which describes BPD in a very good way..enjoy watching and learning sth new.
it's just the same shit every single day and sometimes i think about if this is really worth it.
you know that you really love somebody with all your heart and you seem to be so sure about that but then there's just one word or one sentence said by this person that makes you fall apart again and you put the whole relationship into question.
Darling, this goes to you:
i know we're as different as equal and i love the things we've in common. i really feel that you could be my soulmate - just on the other side of the world.
but we have this problem that asia is so different to europe and that's why we've so many disagreements - every day.
I'm sagittarius what means i really love and need my freedom and time on my own. it feels like i'm in a cage and always have to legitimate myself for nothing. i cannot chat with anybody i cannot talk to anybody i cannot meet anybody i even cannot have a new friend on facebook without you asking me who that person is, if this person likes me and so on.
you cannot call me on my mobile phone about 5 times and send me messages on facebook about "what the fuck are you doing with this girl" when i haven't answered you for about one hour when i'm out with a friend. i'm sorry for having friends and a life.
That you know about my past i cannot understand why you're sometimes talking to me like shit e.g. your friends don't see you as a friend they see you as a fuckbuddy. wtf excuse me i just wanted to explain to you that it's normal in germany that you sleep in the same bed with your friends without that anything happens. sorry for wanting you to understand my culture, my life and what's called "normal" in germany.
The last thing i wanna tell you is that i decided i cannot take this anymore. i cannot have a relationship which is based on controlling each other. that's just not love. that's not what a relationship should be about.
In my opinion a relationship should make everything easier and life so much brigther. i'm not upset atm i'm just angry that you cannot understand me and you cannot change even i've told you all of this so often again and again. you hurt me with your behavior every day. i wish you could change but i think you cannot.
I am what I am and i did whatever i want in the past i'm doing it now and i'll do it in the future because it's "normal". if anybody wants to be with me that person have to deal with it and respect my rules.
it's up to you: if you want me in your life the way i am just let me know.
Well when you've already read my "about" you should know a little bit of me. it's just a small extract and now i wanna tell you a bit more of who i really am and what it means to know me and to spend (some) time with me.
my name is Joana, my nicknames are Joe, Joey, Flo (my mom sometimes calls me Flo, i don't know why). my parents are married and i have a brother (Kevin, 19 yo). they live all together in our house near Ulm. i live by myself in a small flat in the centre of Munich cos I'm doing my training as advertising agent here. it's not really what I wanna do in my future. this is why I want to study social work after I'll have finished.
when i was 18yo (and had a relationship about 3 years with my ex boyfriend) i recognized that i really like women. and not only in a friendship-way, I love women. from the moment i've been really sure about that i told my parents and my friends that i'm a lesbian so i'm out with everybody around me, even my boss knows and nobody really cares - that's great, that's germany man (or a part of it)!
something else that i have to tell about me (and it's kinda difficult for me to talk about but cos it's a big part of my life i will) is that i have Borderline personality disorder.
find out more about here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
that's why life with me can sometimes be hard and very stressful (at this point i really have to thank my parents, my brother and my grandma for always being there and supporting me whatever i've said or done - i'm sorry for so many things and i know that i'm not the daughter that you deserve but i truly love you and this will never change. thank you for everything!).
Well i think that was a good beginning to introduce myself and a bit of my personality out to you. hope you'll enjoy this blog. Peace out!
and by the way the blog name is part of my name (Joe); the "Dee" stands for "lady" and it has something to do with the tom-dee culture in asia (mostly in thailand).if you wanna know more about it go to this site: